Using Emotion

Ok so been feel quite down lately and not sure why tbh but think it's got something to do with this project and just been thinking about who I really am and do I even like who I am. Anyways my mate who does model making got talking to me and said instead of getting down by what you see in your portraits why not put how you feel into them, so I decided to do this drawing just after having a good old cry like girls do smudged my make up abit more and started on this. My teacher ages ago told me how rubbish I was as portraits so said either treace or use photos as a guideline but this is one I just drew straight from looking at the mirror.
This portrait was quite weird because as I was taking pics of it the expression on its face seemed to change from photo to photo and even know this portrait may not resemble what I look like on the outside I'm certain it reflects my inner self.

couple portraits so far

Ok with this portrait I kinda decided against putting any real eyes in there although there is a suggestion of some I dont know how my audience might find it if it even makes a difference but i wanted to explore using a mask for day one
for this one I wanted it to be quite confrontational while also having the comfort and security of being hidden away from the world too.
Sticking with the theme of the mask I tried to use it to hide myself in a none tradtional way. I partically like the idea that you seem to be drawn to the mask's eyes rather then my own.
This is a classic "caught by the camere" kind of pose but I feel it goes alot deeper tbh. When investigating crime scene ect if they dont have a face to go by then tend to look for hand prints or finger prints to find the identity of the person so why im hiding my face im also showing a part of me that would lead you to it with the right equipment of course.
This I just thought I'd do a rather close close-up so close that you cant even tell who it is.
This was kind of a metaphore for me taking off the mask I wear to reveal my true self.
Right, these two drawings were done to really show that this is me basically. I've been judged by the clothes I wear and what I look like my whole life. I've gone through bullys and strangers driving past me throw things at me or shout at me just based on the way I looked, well I just thought if I took away those clothes what would they say. The picture on the right was supposed to be quite dominating to show how I'm in control now not them I was also thinking of using that particular pose for another idea I have.
These two were more revealed drawings were they look quite opposite. One looks insecure while the other proud and just shows the way someone stand or poses can change the feel of a portrait so its something to consider.
Right I'm abit weary about putting this one up but f**k it it's not as bad as Robert Mapplethorpe. I did quite a few self portraits using my camera of poses like this one I happened to draw this cause it was more covered up. However I didnt just do this picture for no reason I just feel like even clothing can be worn as a mask. I like many other teenage girls hate my body and I use clothes as a way to cover up and misguide you to what shape my body is really like, so here I just decided to bare all. When we study life drawing we start by drawing the naked body and I went back to basics for a reason, I dont want to hide anything.

I have a couple ideas in my said but sticking to the same theme which is that I want my portraiy to shock. Like when Dorian Gray reveals his portrait people are shocked to see the real him and usually when people mett me im nothing like what they think im going to be.Kind of still like the mask idea but trying to ditch actually wearing a real mask. I've taken quite a few photos that I will not be posting up but will be drawings from instead.

I've also got this idea of how some people "wear their heart on their sleeve" and got me thinking what if you wore your soul on the outside? Thinking about it I have 3 scars on my face alone nut emotional scars you cant see.....what if they came to the surface?

Another idea I've had is about hiding who I am while also revealing everything I am. (still working on that but got a good idea in my head and photos to help)

I have a couple more idead but not sure whether to share them or keep them to myself for a while otherwise they wont come as a shock when you see them.

Orlan (don't look if you squimish!)

Ok so I decided to look at Orlan after Phil recommended her to me. It's strange seeing as we looked at her slightly on National Diploma and never really thought that her pictures are technically portraits. She's a performance artist who's undergone some plastic surgery and to be honest I don't understand why there are grapes in the top picture.


Anyways I'm fascinated by the idea of making my portrait shock people I find when people first meet me they see this innocent little girl and are shocked to find that I have tattoos are are shocked by my dirty mind etc. Some people instantly judge me by my clothes and the way I look and I dont want that in my portrait so I have a couple ideas of what I want in my head but no idea on the final piece yet.

Dorian Gray

Ok so I went to see Dorian Gray today and it was strange to say the least. The main storyline is how this portrait of himself brings a curse to him as well. It has like the opposite effect that portraits have, while a portrait will capture your youth and stay the same while you yourself get older, the portrait of Dorian Gray gets older while he stays the same and is tempted by pleasure. He looses the love of his life, looses his morals and is tempted by a close friend, the same friend who makes and destroys him. When you watch the film you think its mainly about sex and murder, but has more deeper meaning. It's like Dorian Gray is tempted by the devil and sells his soul for youth, until finally realising that things are only supposed to last a short time so you appreciate them more.


This film has just given me a couple more ideas on how I can take this project. I think I've decided early on that I either wanna show myself in a vunerable state putting my head on the chopping board to be judged or editing myself so I'm hardly recognisable. Everyone wears a mask, some people it's obvious that they're wearing a mask, where they act a different way round different people and some people do it subtly by the clothes they wear and I wanna strip it down. Also something Phil said in Tuesday's lecture about women feeling the need to chop bits of themselves off well I'm one of those women and I wanna expose that.

Unit 1- Anatomy

Ok so we've got the new breif and i've got lots of ideas running through my head n luckily today just set me on the right track I now have loads more ideas after the lecture. The position in which a person is facing can portray you in different ways. So I have to really think on how I want people to see me. If I want someone to see me as an object of beauty or to be looked at I should be looking to the side or if I want the viewer to interact with me and be forced to engage in the portait I should be looking straight on. Also whats in the background of my portrait will also reveal what kind of person I am or want people to think.


I decided to look at Cindy Sherman after I've used her before in my projects but never really looked deeply into why she does what she does or even what you find out about her. I feel that at first look you think that you can never really know the real her because she dresses up all the time or maybe she enjoys escaping real life we dont know. How ever I feel like these portraits show alot about her like she's trying to say she is who she is because of all these other types of women. For example if it wasn't for the old house wives we wouldn't be as independant now etc.


Andy Worhol makes our faces into our own label if you will. When people look at advertising they can instantly look at a logo and know what it is, well you can do the same with someone's face in a way. Your face is your own logo it's what people recognise you by. Andy Worhol also did a self portrait where he used camouflage to hide himself and got me thinking about ways for it to be a self portrait but people cant recognise you.


I had an idea where you can use like a mask to hide your true identity but it's also a self portrait. I had the idea when I was thinking about how I want to be portrayed. I use to have a habit of hiding half my face by my hair because I was ashamed of what I look like so being the subject of my art work doens't apply to me but it fascinates me. I started thinking about phantom of the oper and how he only hides half of his face by a mask which then got me thinking about the masquerade scene in the show. It seems like a very odd way to hide yourself behind a very elebroate mask colourful that stands out, I just find how it contradicts itself in a way. I think of a mask as wanting to hide but the mask is what gets the attention.


I also looked at Robert Mapplethorpe and got the shock of my life. I couldn't really find an image that I was willing to post on my blog but anyways I find his work to speak more of the truth than anything. Talking about sex is still abit of a taboo and therefore people don't want it to be right there in front of them but his art work shows more truth. The most revealing thing someone can do is to be naked is makes them some what vunerable because there's no where to hide, no clothes to make your body look better no sleeves to pull down when you feel shy. So I feel that his portraits really show you the real him, warts and all.

Ok so I took Phil's advice and collaged the images and then traced over them to get an outline and then saw what I could make from them. I hope I'm more on the right track now.

These images I got from just using the outlines and drawing what I thought they could be.

I like having this weird lil space hopper thing on this guy's feet as a mode of transport but I'm not too sure on some of the other sketches. I basically used the same outline to create all three of these drawings.

I liked drawings the unusual plant on the right hand side as if the plant wasn't really from this planet or something. The two-headed alien was abit confusing cause I had a thought about it being made from feathers and scales.

These two sketches are one of the few I feel ok about putting up here. I like the idea of rather than a robot having more of a machine that can beat the ground for you when gardening and maybe keeping compost in it's "belly" compartment. I also like the idea of having a compartment in the hot air balloon, maybe for dining purposes or something but slowly realised this doesn't really come under any of the catergories as it isn't really a proper structure.

I'm not really keen on these sketches but I did have an idea about the top left's alien's eyes rolling round that circle part like a spira graph.

The dinosarus/dog creature I just thought about being quite smoothe scales on his body or like blubber to make it shine, I also thought about the way it would walk most likely ressembling a snake.

My last sketches I feel are abit stronger but abit simple. They seem more for decoration then purpose. I'm still unsure on what drawings I would want to present on A2 sheets seeing as I dont think any of the above can really be strong enough to be shown from all sides, however I just hope I'm on the right track now.

ok so this is kinda what I've got so far, and I'm not entirely sure I'm even on the right track to be honest. I just started by looking at the more literal side to things and then morphing my images into something else. Some of my drawings I have done have just been a thought in my head that I needed to put onto paper and I'm not sure what else to write here because I'm never really a fan of my own art work.